What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

Why do so many men wait until they are retired or close to it to start having sex with Men? Most of them say they have always wanted to suck dick or be fucked. Why did you wait?

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

Do straight guys like to see cocks?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

Do you know what she said mum?

During the Atlmark incident in 1940, the Brit war criminals violated Norwegian neutrality. Hitler could then justify invading Norway. Have the Brits ever apologized for violating Norwegian neutrality?

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

What! how could you do that?

True - how I loved my mum!

What do dreams about dead people mean?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

What do you mean son?

Why does my girlfriend keep asking me if I love her?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”